Finishing Well

I went to a funeral at Veterans Memorial Cemetery this morning. The deceased was a retired member of the Air Force and served as a navigator on a B-17 during WWII. He was a member of what Tom Brokaw has termed, the Greatest Generation. As his wife, children, grand children and friends looked on, the flag that draped his coffin was removed by two Air Force servicemen and smartly folded and presented to the family on behalf of the President of the United States and a grateful nation. Silver Taps played as they saluted the flag before it was presented. In that moment I felt a number of emotions. I marveled at how proud I was of my country. For the time that it took to execute that ceremony for a man who had served his country in a way I never have or will, I was an American. Not a Republican or a Democrat, not a liberal or conservative, not a Black american or a White american or Hispanic american or any other distinguishing adjective, I was just an American. I thanked God for all the men and women who had given a part of their lives in the service of our great nation. I also thanked God for the men and women who had given the ultimate sacrifice that I might remain free. I thought about my children and wondered if they would fee the pride and respect that was deserving of the United States of America? Have I brought them up in the way God would have me do? Would they, if called upon, serve in the way that Jack Russell did? And what of my grandchildren? Are they learning a love and respect for our nation and flag? I thought about my own father. He’s been with the Lord for almost 30 years. I wonder if I really gave him the respect he was due as a member of the Navy during the war? I certainly loved him and he knew that but I don’t think I ever appreciated what he did during that part of his life. Like so many others of that generation, he just didn’t talk about it. I thought about my friend, Shayne. I was at the service not because I knew Mr. Russell so well but because I love and respect his son, my friend, Shayne. I have had an opportunity to hang out with him, to work along side him and share meals and laughter with him and today we shared tears. I know that Jackie Paul Russell was a great man because His son Shayne is a great man. My prayer is that there are enough great men left in our country to begin teaching our children to be great so that we can finally be the nation we once were.

Living By What is Real

I’m currently reading “Living the Cross Centered Life” by C.J. Mahaney. I’ve been reading it for over a month and have not quite finished chapter 2. This book is amazing! I start to read and each paragraph is easy to understand. Then as I read along I realize that I need to reread for clarity, so I do. Then I am so amazed by what I’ve read that I have to read it again to make sure I understand and will hopefully retain.

Mahaney blew me away when I began to read chapter 2 and he was talking about what we feel, compared to what is real. This is something that I have stressed to my children for years! When they begin to tell me how their life is falling apart or how they are unloved or whatever else their feelings are telling them, I ask them, “what do you feel?” and after they give me the complete run down I ask, “now, what’s real? What’s God say about that” What do you know to be truth? What are you going to trust?” “Who are you going to trust?”

In chapter 2 of his book, Mahaney makes the point that we live our lives by what we feel. We get up in the morning and we don’t feel like exercising, so we don’t or we explain our daily choices with, “I feel good about this” or “I don’t feel good about that.” We let our feelings drive us to the point that we ignore what is real. Then we come into church on a Sunday morning and when everyone is singing and praising God, we look around and say to ourselves, “I really don’t feel like worshiping this morning. I’m just not in to it.”

The truth is that we are commanded to worship. That’s what’s real. And just because we don’t feel like it doesn’t change that fact. We can’t allow our emotions, which are unreliable because they are controlled by every little thing that happens, to take charge of our lives. How many times has your day gone badly because after you left the house in the morning, you spilled something on your clothes? Or you were late because traffic was worse than you allowed for? Or someone yelled at you about something over which you had no control? Do these things really make our day bad? Or are we allowing how they make us feel, color how our day is going to be?

Mahaney goes on to say that too often we go so far as to determine that our feelings are the truth, a condition that stems from pride. He then goes on to quote James 4:6…

… Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”
(James 4:6 ESV)

God is not pleased with us who live by our feelings but instead calls us sinners. On the other hand for those who humble themselves and seek to live by truth, God gives grace. It is time Mahaney says to stop listening to ourselves and start talking to ourselves instead. We must remind ourselves of what is the truth and begin to live our lives on it. As we look at the cross we need to remind ourselves that no matter what we may feel, the truth of the cross, and the truth of the Gospel is unchanging. Tomorrow we may feel good or we may feel bad but the Gospel will be exactly the same. As we begin to tell ourselves this truth, our feelings will align with the truth.

About 30 years ago, I took a job as an outside salesman. I absolutely abhor confrontation (isn’t that a cool word, abhor), and every time I walked into a prospective customers place of business I felt like I was entering into a major confrontation. My employer at the time decided I just needed some training, so they sent me to Dale Carnegie sales training classes. After 12 weeks of intense training, it still felt like confrontation, and it still does today. One thing that I was taught in the sales class was, “Act enthusiastic and you will be enthusiastic!” It’s not that you are contriving an emotion, you are acting on what you are telling yourself rather than operating on your emotions. I could choose to walk into a potential customer and be terrified or I could remind myself that the worst that would happen would be having them tell me no! When I was enthusiastic, they didn’t say no quite as often.

“The evangelical orientation”, writes Sinclair Ferguson, “is inward and subjective. We are far better at looking inward than we are at looking outward, Instead, we need to expend our energies admiring, exploring, expositing, and exploring Jesus Christ.” As we look outward, as we speak to ourselves about the truths of Jesus Christ, we begin to change the orientation of our feelings. They no longer control us, we control them. When we focus on the cross we are at the starting point of growth in Gospel Truth. We are ready to move to the next step, not away from the cross, but into a deeper understanding of it.

So, what do you feel, and what’s real?

On Being Married!

For the past 25+ years my wife and I have been on different schedules. She worked nights and I worked days. Since public school is a day time activity, I also was Mr. Mom. In the beginning, I was working a job that earned very little and we needed her salary to be able to pay the bills. The only position that was offered to her as she returned to the work force, after being off five years with our daughter, was a 3 to 11 pm shift. After a few years I began to ask her to try to get a day shift position and was usually told that she didn’t think she could keep the pace of the day shift. It became the focal point of a lot of arguments as we passed each other on her way out the door as the children and I came in from school and work. When we realized that the evening shift wasn’t affording any family time, she took an 11 pm to 7 am shift. It allowed her to sleep in the mornings and spend the afternoons with the kids when they got in from school. We continued to argue.

Our children have been grown for several years and I have a relationship with them that most dads don’t. We have grown very close because I was the lucky one who was there for the scraped knees, the little league practices, the band rehearsals and football games. I was the one who was there to hear about the heart aches and joys. I had the pleasure of sitting at supper and hearing about their day. I am not saying this to brag or complain, it just was what it was. Mom paid the bills because she always had an excellent job. I helped with the jobs that I had, usually in ministry at a church, sometimes part-time in a school district. Her work gave me an opportunity that I would not have otherwise had. Still, it came at a high price. We continued to be partners who never saw each other.

Her shift for the last three or four years has been 7p to 7 am. Because she worked 12 hours at a time, she worked fewer days. For the first time in years she actually was at home when I was for more than two nights in a row. We began to enjoy having time together in the evenings and nights. It wasn’t perfect but it was better.

Fast forward to this past February. The reason isn’t important, but she was fired from her job. No warning, not an offence for which she had been counseled, just terminated. At first we were quite devastated. We no longer had her income to depend on, we also had no insurance and didn’t know how we would pay for our dozens of prescriptions. How would I maintain my diabetes? How long before I had another heart attack? We aren’t in a position to retire. What will we do?

Then it hit me, after 25+ years we are on the same shift! AND we aren’t worried! Yes, we still have those concerns and we have to be very careful about our funds but we are together, God is in control and we are learning for the first time how to do marriage differently. We still argue, just about other things. She is searching for a job, A DAY JOB! She has discovered she doesn’t want to be on a different shift.

Our marriage hasn’t been perfect. I have done some things that I deeply regret. I can’t speak for her but she probably has too! (Like staying married to me.) It hasn’t been a biblical model of marriage but we’ve stayed together throughout and we are still growing together in Christ.

There’s hope for us yet!

Who Am I?

My children tell me I’m getting old. They don’t say it to hurt or denigrate but as an observation. It angers my wife because she is only six months younger than me and refuses to be “old” yet! However, one of the reasons that they say I am ageing is that I have begun to watch the birds in our back yard. About five years ago I put up a bird feeder and then shortly thereafter a squirrel feeder in hopes that the birds would get some of the food!

I find great pleasure and peace as I sit at the dining room table and watch the various birds come for breakfast. It’s comforting to see the same pair of Cardinals raise a family each spring and summer. They are amazing parents, first taking food to the nestlings and then leading them, as they learn to fly, to the porch rail where our feeder is. It’s interesting that the young for several days sit on the rail as mom and dad take food from the feeder and drop it into their wide open mouths. After days of this behavior the youngsters finally begin to feed themselves. Over the next several weeks the young males grow their red feathers and for a while they are a mottled brown/red as they mature.

The Blue Jays are beautiful in their vibrant blue and white plumage. They are also very aggressive in their desire to feed themselves chasing away all who might be there as they arrive. They are even triumphant over most of the squirrels. And while there are several that come to feed, they usually come individually.

The doves are very greedy and will empty the feeder in nothing flat. They usually show up in groups of 10 to 25 at a time and wrestle with one another to get to the feeder. They are kind of funny looking with their large bodies and tiny heads. I sometimes find myself wondering if the other birds laugh at them for the way they look?

The sparrows, (I’m not sure what else to call them, I can’t identify the several species that I’m talking about) most of them just nondescript little brown birds, come and go without bothering anyone, often times landing on the ground under the feeder and eating what everyone else has dropped or scattered as they have argued over who’s turn it is to eat. They are probably the largest group of all. Isn’t it interesting that scripture says, ”Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father.” Matthew 10:29 There are so many of them and they seem so insignificant and yet God knows if one of them falls to the ground.

Amazing…

Building Memories

This weekend, specifically Saturday, is the annual Family Reunion. Our branch of the family looks forward to this yearly event and always turn it into a several day camping trip. Now before you begin to envision woods and tents and campfires, camping for my wife is loading our entire house into a rented motor home and driving to the park where the reunion takes place. This year one of our sons and his family decided to use their tent and asked to ride with us in order to save on fuel. So yesterday we loaded our stuff and hitched up to their trailer and off we went. It was our intention to be on the road right after the morning rush traffic. That plan went right out the window as we finally finished packing everything  around 2:30. Then there were the stops we needed to make to get the things we needed that were not at home. And so we found ourselves travelling in the afternoon rush traffic as we made our way west toward Bastrop.

Driving a motor home makes me think of a turtle as it lumbers along with it’s house on it’s back. The big difference, I suppose, is that the turtle can’t hear his family laughing and singing behind him as he goes along. There is no more blessed sound than the laughter of ones children and especially grandchildren. As I listened to the conversation and the giggles of my six grandchildren, I couldn’t help but smile and feel a little more content. It was soothing enough that the traffic getting out of Houston was tolerable. As we got nearer to our destination they began to ask, “How much longer, Papa?” My stock answer to that question since the first time my oldest child asked it has been, “Five more minutes!” It tickles me greatly to hear the little boys reply, “Oh papa, that’s what you always say!”

We finally arrived at the park about nine p.m. After setting up the necessities for the night we visited the other families that had also arrived that day and had a late supper. Supper, breakfast, lunch, snack, just having a grape or banana, I seem to be the napkin for my grand kids hands and faces. It doesn’t matter if I’m sitting next to them or in the next room, it seems that they are going to wipe their messy fingers on my sleeve. It’s really a good thing that I love them. So, after a shower and clean shirt it was off to bed!

Today has been more of the same. A lot of visiting and laughing and something very interesting. My daughter-in-law home schools the grand kids. All morning and into this afternoon I have been blessed with the sounds of school. Along with the reading and writing and math that I would expect, there was also Latin and classical writing lessons. It made my brain hurt as I struggled to remember what an infinitive verb was, not to mention present participle and past participle. and don’t even get me started on Latin! I’ve always made the assumption that home school was inferior to public school, even though I have no respect for the current school system. If all home schooled children are receiving the education that my ten and eight year old grandsons are getting, public school should be abolished! I’m blown away by what my six year old is able to recite and understand. It’s really amazing!

Over the next three days Caren and I will get to see relatives from all over the place. We will laugh and reminisce about family happenings. We will remember those who have passed and maybe shed a tear or two. We’ll brag on our children and play, “top this if you can!” We’ll eat too much, especially on Saturday as everyone arrives with their special dish that everyone else anticipates eating! But mostly we’ll build memories. Our children look forward each year to this weekend. They have grown up coming to the reunion, enjoying the fellowship and the love and affection they receive from the aunts and uncles and great aunts and uncles. Now they are becoming aunts and uncles and are passing the tradition on. Hopefully, their children, my grand children, will have the same great memories that they had and that we had when we were younger. As I write this I am reminded of several who were here when I came (I’m an in-law) who have since passed on. My in-laws, Clyde and Lois, Granny Briggs, Uncle Ben and Uncle Roy and the one we name this reunion after “Oakley” Parker. In the last few years we’ve also seen several of our younger members depart as well, Bonnie, Scotty, and Terry Parker have all died, much younger than you would expect. and so the middle moves to the top and the bottom moves to the middle and then begins having babies so that the whole thing can start over again. I think this is what they were talking about in the movie the “Lion King” when they sang about the circle of life. I hope that before they died, our older members thought that they were leaving the family in good hands. I know that I will be when I’m gone. You can’t ask for better than that!

 

No Strangers in Waiting Rooms

I’m not sure who first said it, but I’ve heard over and over that, “There are no atheists in foxholes.” I have never been in a foxhole, nor have I been in combat, so I can’t attest to the validity of the statement, but I can say this, “There are no strangers in a surgical waiting room.

On Monday, I spent the day with a good friend and church member whose mother was having bypass surgery. It is a good way to learn family history as you sit and wait and wait and wait. I learned a huge amount of history as we sat together that gave me insight into what forces shaped the lives of these ladies.

About every ninety minutes a rotating nurse would come into the waiting room and give updates to the families whose loved one was undergoing surgery. Everyone would suddenly get quiet and wait for the nurse to call their family name. As she delivered the news of the moment, it was impossible not to hear what she was telling each group. “Your dad is finally in the OR and is being opened up,” “The doctor is removing a vein from your wife’s leg to use in the bypass,” Your husband has had the line removed from his stomach and the new port is being sewn into his right chest,” ” Surgery is over and they are warming your mother to see that there are no bleeders before they close the chest,” “Your patient is being moved to recovery and you can see him in about forty minutes. Everything went very well.”

As the nurse moved from family to family you could see momentary relief and the return of fear and anxiety, because of the amount of time that the various surgeries were taking. Each person was so glad to get some news, but it was still hard to have to continue waiting because the doctors were not yet finished. One by one they finally got the news that their loved one was recovered and could be visited. Then two people from their group (if there were more than two) could go and visit. What a joyous relief that was. After the visit, more waiting since Cardiac intensive care patients can only be seen for a few minutes four times a day.

But about there being no strangers… Because everyone was aware of what was happening, as the reports were delivered to the various families others would offer words of comfort. As they all waited, it gave folks time to run out of things to talk about within their family units and caused the people sitting nearest to one another to begin to share their stories and to compare notes on how the day was progressing. At times the conversation spanned the length of the room, about twenty feet, as someone would see someone else try to get cell phone reception and would direct them to the tiny spot in one corner where reception could be found.

I spent time during the day listening and praying with my church member and her aunt. But I also met T whose dad had a heart valve replaced due to an infection that did some really bad damage. T has been sitting in hospitals for about a month as the Dr’s. cared for his dad and now he was waiting while dad had open heart surgery. I met D’s wife. She and D, it turns out, live in the same town as my two brothers. D needs a kidney transplant and is having some serious complications that have to be resolved if he is to get a kidney. Then there were two brothers and an uncle waiting on dad/brother to emerge from bypass surgery. As we sat and stood and paced and repeated, each of us became friends for a little while.

Over the next days, as we bump into one another in the hallway, we will inquire about one another’s family member/friend.

The best part of meeting these people was being able to ask if it would be alright to pray for them and their loved one. I never got turned down. If I had space for an additional ministry, it would be very humbling and fulfilling to spend a day a week in the waiting room, talking and praying with all my new found friends.

New Trend in My Life

The truck wouldn’t start this morning. It looks as if it will have to have a new fuel pump. Normally this would be no particular problem, I can just jump in the other car and go about my business. Not this time, there is no other car. In the past several months my family has become a one car family. It usually works out for us as I work days and she works nights. Occasionally we wait on one another or we ride together in order to get where we need to be but it usually works out alright. Until this morning…

Last year we were a four car family. I drove one, she drove one and two sat in the driveway. Two of them were gifts from people who didn’t want to give them to dealerships as trade ins or spend the money to have them repaired. So I drove one of the gifts for two years as my daily driver and the second gift, a ’94 Accord, sat waiting on repairs. ‘ll tell you about the fourth car later.

About the time that I got the Accord repaired to the point of driving it, a good friend of ours had a wreck and totaled her car. Since I had an extra car and since I had trouble falling into it because it sat so low to the ground, we gave it to her. Problem solved! In giving the car away I began to reflect on the number of automobiles I had been given. Some were truly gifts and were a God send as well as a pleasure to drive. Other were far from usable without considerable work but were still a God send at the time. All together we have been given 11 automobiles in the almost thirty years that I have been in ministry. Being on the giving end felt so good that I couldn’t wait to do it again! So I gave away my daily driver! The family that received it has had to make several out of state trips for family emergencies in the months since they got the car. It has performed very well and they have arrived home safely every time.

Giving away the second car felt so good and for the first time in my life I felt joyful about giving. I believe that giving is something we are taught to do and as a Christian I have tried to give but my giving has never been with a glad or joyful heart. I suspect that it was received by God much the way He received Cain’s offering. Now all of a sudden, I like giving. I can’t wait to give. When I see a guy on the street corner, I give him something. Two weeks ago I took off my tennis shoes and gave them to a guy with the most torn up shoes I have ever seen.

Our church has been going to a street corner just out from under the Pierce Elevated in downtown Houston. One Tuesday night each month we go and provide clothing and food for about 150 men and women who are living on the streets of downtown or near town Houston. Visiting with these people, providing clothing and a meal excites me. It gives me a hearing and the chance to share God’s love to someone who is hurting and in most instances invisible to the rest of the world.

I’m not writing this to blow my own horn. I have avoided telling people about what I’ve been giving away. It isn’t me that gave them. I don’t have the heart for giving. I get angry when I see people panhandling. Only God Himself could be doing this. Last October I went to Kenya to help my daughter move. She was to be there for six months working with some missionary friends of ours. On the way home I began to read Radical by David Platt. I couldn’t put it down. I was suddenly overwhelmed with the fact that U. S citizens are among the richest in the world! Not just the wealthy but the impoverished. People who live below the poverty line in our country are richer than most of the rest of the world! And I have so much that I recently was considering renting a storage space to keep some of it! Platt’s book made me see that I AM a missionary and that I needed to do more than memorize Matthew 28:19-20. I need to live it!

Joyful giving has become, is becoming, and will be becoming a trend in my life. I challenge you to make it one in yours.

Oh by the way, the fourth car is an older pick-up that has been in the family for 16 years. It hasn’t run in the last 5? or so and is in the slow process of being restored to life. I hope I get to drive it a while before God prompts me to give it away. I really like it a lot!